Newly Recovered Pages from The Pillow Book

Concerning Zoom Meetings and Other Hateful Things

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Sei Shōnagon wrote many years ago of things elegant and things hateful.

A thousand years have passed.

People now carry tiny glowing rectangles and speak across great distances.

This has improved nothing.

A person who waits until the meeting is almost over and then says,

“I have one small question.”

Most hateful.

The question is never small.

It unfolds like a ceremonial screen.

Behind it stands another question.

And behind that another.

Soon the afternoon is gone.

One begins the meeting as an employee and leaves it as a historical artifact.

A person whose microphone is not muted.

Most hateful.

The sound arrives first.

A rustling.

A chewing.

A mysterious knocking.

Then the voice of a child.

Then another child.

Then a dog.

Then a conversation concerning a dishwasher that appears to have become a permanent member of the household.

The owner of the microphone remains silent throughout.

Yet their household delivers a long and detailed presentation.

A person who interrupts.

Most hateful.

One begins to speak.

At the same moment another begins to speak.

Both stop.

Both apologize.

Both insist the other continue.

Neither continues.

A silence appears.

It grows steadily.

Before long it possesses greater authority than anyone in attendance.

When one’s image freezes.

Most hateful.

Especially if it freezes while blinking.

Or swallowing.

Or attempting an expression intended to suggest agreement.

The face remains suspended between several emotions.

None of them desirable.

The others continue the meeting.

One remains behind as a portrait.

Things elegant.

A meeting of twenty minutes.

An agenda of one page.

A microphone muted before being asked.

A camera switched off by mutual consent.

A colleague who has discovered the difference between a matter requiring discussion and a matter requiring a message.

Most elegant.

I have often thought remote work would have pleased many people at court.

It contains factions.

It contains gossip.

It contains elaborate rituals nobody understands.

It contains people who speak at great length while saying very little.

In this respect it differs from the Heian court hardly at all.

One suppresses a yawn.

With varying degrees of success.

Originally written in Japanese. Translated into English by the author with the assistance of AI and online reference tools.