The Ripples You Never See

A calmer way to respond to setbacks and a harsh inner critic

Image by Steve A Johnson on Pexels

At some point in life, many of us become aware that we are somehow just functioning.

Where has all the joy gone, the juice of life that tasted so sweet when we were younger?

We know that the grass always looks greener on the other side and that this is not necessarily true. But we also see that some people have figured out life, while we seem to be far behind.

How come we got off the path we dreamt of in our younger years? Did we lack basic life skills, was something wrong with us, or do we simply not have what it takes?

And after all, whose voice is that speaking in my head…

The Problem With Judging Your Life Too Quickly

When you view life through the scope of one single lifetime, the life process looks like a closed loop. Birth, growth, decline, death, repeat.

Within that frame, everything appears to evaporate.

But that is the smallest frame you can use to evaluate life. Viewing a river as merely one wave is analogous to viewing life only within the confines of one individual’s lifetime.

Your Life Affects More People Than You Realize

Your existence does not start and stop within the context of your own life.

You overflow into others, into their nervous systems, into their decisions, and into the manner in which they interact with the next person.

I have observed how one simple compliment can change the climate of a space. Not because it was spectacular. Because it was genuine. For the most part, the positive influence we have on others occurs quietly.

Therefore, that is why we tend to underestimate the amount of influence we truly have.

How to Stop Measuring Your Life by Visible Success

The belief that you failed is usually not about what you did. It is about the measuring tape you used. If you judge life based solely upon what you accomplish visibly, your days may appear empty.

However, if you assess it in terms of what you bring into the world, a new truth emerges. Integrity. Presence. Kindness. Bravery on a day when bravery is expensive.

The Ripple You Will Never See

At times, you may never realize the effect of your smile. Or the effect of your patience. Or even the effect of the moment you chose not to increase the cruelty of a particularly cruel day.

Someone may imitate you without letting you know. Someone else may use your steadfastness as a model for themselves. The world changes in those ways. Not through grandiose gestures or speeches. Through small transmissions.

Why Progress Is Not Always a Straight Line

Human history is not a stagnant circle. Rather, humanity is progressing as a wheel continues to move along a never-ending road. If you expand the horizon sufficiently, you can see that it is happening.

Generations learn. Technologies evolve. Ideas spread. The names given to pain emerge. Taboos are broken. Even your own recovery works this way.

Although you continue to revisit many of the same topics as before, you are doing so from a greater degree of self-awareness.

7 Gentle Ways to Stop Feeling Like a Failure

First, stop labeling yourself as a failure. Labeling it as a setback. Wrong direction. A difficult day.

Second, allow yourself to experience the feelings that arise without creating a courtroom around them.

Third, document evidence that contradicts your internal critic. Evidence that has substance. Not some inspirational poster.

Fourth, speak to yourself as you would speak to someone you love.

Fifth, focus on values rather than goals. Goals can disintegrate. Values can serve as a compass.

Sixth, ask yourself what you learned from the experience without being ashamed that you needed the lesson.

Seventh, if the feeling of futility persists, recognize that perhaps there is something larger that is asking to be acknowledged.

Your Life Still Matters Even When You Feel Behind

Life is not a meaningless loop. It is a continuous path, and you are a part of the journey. You don’t need to be famous to be meaningful. All you need to be is genuine and to continue on your journey.