An Absurd Trance I Was In

Hi! It’s Anwiksha this side, this is my first writing here. I hope this passion of mine doesn’t die just a couple hours later, and i look forward to writing for more down the line. I involve discussions about provocative thoughts with a touch of personal experience.

Last summer, i had been going through a strange change in my sleep cycle…For many nights i stayed between sleeping and waking. i would continue to stay at the very same position in bed, not move at all with my eyes closed, but not even a drop of sleep would cure me. Now, this isn’t really significant considering almost half the population suffers from insomnia. But-

i didn’t have a stress problem, poor stimulation, some haunting trauma, or anything in particular at all. Some days, there wouldn’t be any issue at all, and on some i would sleep sleepless night. i had been experiencing insomnia. And that more than anything has been bringing me anxiety. The thought of not sleeping has been leaving me with no sleep instead. It’s quite sickening, cause’ it has no cure at all. And those sleeping pills? not recommended… Anyways, back to the ‘Trance’:

The weird thing that drives my question is the experience. The state exactly between sleeping and staying awake, if i describe it vividly- i can hear the cricket noises and moving fan on my ceiling in my physical world, but i'm unable to do something about it, or move until and unless i use my entire presence to wake myself up. Which i don’t. Cause’ i don’t realize i am or was in that state a few seconds before i. wake up. Then, you see your brain having a trillion thoughts in one second, before you can even grasp it. Before i can even grab any of them, 100 playlists, 98 unfinished conversations, 70 saved Pinterest pins, 56 scenes from 56 different movies, playing… All At Once. Like a rushing enormous waterfall washing your entire existence down, you can’t even try to stop, when you’re just trying to get a blink of sleep.

Also, it’s not sleep paralysis if that’s what you’re wondering. This had been happening for a couple weeks, then i came to my hometown during summer vacation, & i slept like a sloth for the entire 32 days. I came back to my workplace. It was alright, with a few bad nights occasionally. Then this summer, again…. Around the same exact time as last year, it’d been happening again. And something strange- i would almost lose complete memory of my not-so-sleeping sleep the next morning.

Fast forward a few weeks- i am right now back at my hometown to spend my vacation… and it’s as if i never had such an issue ever. A few days ago, i had a personal neurologist coming over at my place to diagnose me of whatever i have. He is destitute of vision. But he’s a highly proficient guy in his field, perhaps ‘sees’ his patients better than the doctors that do have functioning eyes. I told him bout’ my sleeping issues, and asked him what it all means.

He replied, “ It’s somewhat more complex than what you’re foreseeing, and it’s better if you don’t worry about it too much, it’s recommended for patients not be so paranoid for the cause” That kind of struck me.