Why Masks are an Unexpected Crutch for Some

From Google

The email came in a few weeks ago from my boss to the team. “I have exciting news” it read. “We will finally be having our first in-person meeting since 2020, and even better, masks are optional!” My heart sank a little while reading the email, while my pulse quickened. No mask? Could I do it? It’s not what you’re thinking. I’m not scared of getting Covid (for the third time). Not anymore, anyways, now that I’m fully vaxed and boosted. So why does the notion that masks could slowly be eliminated as a requirement from my job in healthcare make the backs of my knees start to sweat a little? Let me tell you.

For most of us working in healthcare and beyond, the mask mandate in the workplace was an uncomfortable (albeit extremely necessary) inconvenience. Sweaty faces, fogged up glasses, adult acne outbreaks, re-wearing masks day after day and storing them in brown paper bags (I still can’t believe we did that), the list goes on and on. But for a certain unique group of us, wearing a mask at work has been an unexpected source of confidence. I’m talking about us blushers.

Severe facial blushing can be a devastating condition for those that suffer from it. It often turns into erythropohbia, or fear of blushing, and is usually accompanied by some form of social anxiety. Often, the social anxiety is an antecedent of the blushing. For me, it kicked off in high school and progressively worsened over the years. I think of myself as having a heightened sympathetic nervous system that is ready to switch into fight or flight mode at any given moment.

I’ve been in the healthcare setting in the rehabilitation department as an Occupational Therapist for over ten years. Thinking back on the early days in my career and most of the days pre-Covid, I can only describe the way I felt at work as being in a constant state of “high alert”. I was always on edge, waiting for someone to ask me a question that may cause me to blush, a staff meeting where I may need to speak without warning, or a care conference with family members where I need to give my report on the patient. Sometimes in these situations I would blush, sometimes I wouldn’t. But more often than not I would have at least a few blushing episodes every single day. Along with a beet red face I start to sweat uncontrollably, my heart rate skyrockets, and my respiration rate pick ups. As you can imagine it is very difficult to concentrate during these episodes, making it near impossible to say what I want to say, nonetheless think straight.

Over the years I have scoured the internet for solutions, gone to countless doctors, tried therapy (even hypnotherapy!), tried different face creams, taken prescription medications…the list goes on. Who knew what would finally allow me to feel a small amount of relief from my blushing phobia at work would be a devastating global pandemic. Introduce: the mask mandate. In March 2020, I was working full time in a skilled nursing facility. Within months we became a Covid positive facility with a Covid unit. It was an extremely challenging, sad, and stressful time to be working anywhere in healthcare. The layers of personal protective equipment we had to don before entering each patient room included an isolation gown, N-95 mask, faceshield, shoe covers, and gloves. Just “gowning up” outside the patient’s room would take several minutes. Completing therapy stuck in patient’s rooms with all our gear on and limited equipment to use during our sessions wasn’t easy. I remember once I was treating a high risk, acute patient with multiple tubes to manage (think tracheostomy with oxygen, catheter, drains, and IV line in his arm), and I got so overheated in my gear while transferring him onto the bedside commode that I nearly passed out. I had to rush out of the room to the therapy gym to get some air and drink some water while I put my head on my desk and cooled down. Luckily I was doing a co-treatment with a physical therapist in this particular instance — otherwise that could have been a dangerous situation for both myself and the patient. Along with these annoyances, my health was at risk every single day I went to work. I inevitably got Covid from work (prior to vaccines), and although it was the sickest I’ve ever been I was spared from any complications or hospitalization.

Now that masks and goggles have become a normal part of my workplace uniform almost two years after the onset of the pandemic, I have noticed a reduction in my anxiety related to blushing, an increase in my workplace confidence, and more often than not a feeling of calm rather than fear. I attribute this all to the fact that my face is partly covered by my PPE.

I do still blush sometimes during my work day, for whatever reason it may be. It could be a family member asking me a question that I may not know the answer to, or just the barista during my coffee break asking me a simple question about how my day is going. I feel my face start to burn, my pulse increase, and my core temperature rise. But because my face is partly covered by my mask, the severity of the blushing episode isn’t as bad. I’ve found if I don’t think someone can see my face turning bright red for no good reason, then it doesn’t turn as red or it goes away much quicker than normal. The mind really is such a powerful thing.

There’s no telling whether I’ll be able to hide behind my mask and goggles forever at work. Already, the requirements are easing. I know that a mask requirement in the healthcare setting has much bigger implications than my personal struggles. We’re talking life or death implications, as we saw with the Covid-19 pandemic. But for us blushers, masks really have been a small saving grace. It has given us confidence we always ached for and the ability to relax somewhat in the workplace. At least it has for me, and I know I can’t be the only one.