A man explains meat

“I care way too much about animals to ever stop eating them”

An Op-Ed by Liam Meatson

Freedom to fry (whomever he wants). Image created by the author using Canva.

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Why I would never stop eating those I love.

First reason: Most of my reasons boil down to having morals, but my first is the obvious one: I have canine teeth. See? Right here next to my incisors. I can’t let these flesh-tearing killers go to waste.

Second reason: I can’t digest plant fibers. It’s a condition. I don’t have it, but I could. Look it up. According to cherry-picked (but not eaten) accounts of Native American history, humans evolved to eat deer and buffalo.

Bonus: my carnivore diet means that I barely go to the bathroom. So technically I’m saving trees and water.

Third reason: I respect Native cultures. If I stopped eating meat, it would basically be like saying “all of your ancestors were wrong for hunting and eating animals.” Never would I insult Native people in such a thoughtless manner.

Fourth reason: Simply put, I am an animist. For the less spiritual, that means everything has feelings, and a soul. Since I’m also an empath, I can literally feel plants shaking in fear. Imagine the chaos if we all went plant-based. If you’re attuned enough to hear a potato scream, you’ll never forget the sound. And a mixed greens salad? Psychopathic.

Fifth reason: On the topic of psychopaths, I arrive at my fifth reason. What if one of the cows in my next burger was a reincarnated serial killer? If I didn’t eat that burger, it’d be letting that past evil-doer get away with murder. In a sense, I’m actually saving a life, thank you very much.

Sixth reason: I found out that vegan marshmallows are really expensive — like twice what the regular kind costs! A big-wig ex-vegan influencer-guru-guy said we’d make a bigger difference if we just buy the regular bag and then donate the few bucks we saved directly to an animal sanctuary.

That feels good because those animals are still alive, and some of them are really cute, like the baby goats. Since I’m a huge animal lover, I set up a $5 recurring donation, which is even more than I save by buying marshmallows with the animal bones.

Seventh reason: A lot of vegans drive cars, and they are killing countless insects by driving those cars. The especially virtue-signaling vegans have tried to skirt this insect genocide by riding a unicycle. But they have no idea how many animals died to make that wheel-on-a-stick. They claim to care about animals? I can only laugh.

Bottom Line

I’m no hypocrite, and I care about animals. Therefore, I would never stop eating them.

Love goats and want to set up your own recurring donation? Visit Farm Sanctuary and meet the goats!

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