Chivalry in the modern era

Hello, I’m Draupadi.

Recently, I wrote this whole questionnaire to one of my favourite influencers to help me clear some concepts I was struggling with. Before we move forward, I would like to say that even though I speak in English a lot, it is not my major subject, so if there are any grammatical mistakes, please turn a blind eye to them.

The question might sound “pick me” — even though it was not intended: I actually wanted a bit of help with this thing: “You expecting a man to be a provider and generous is anti feminist, it doesn’t promote gender equality and stuff…” Can you please talk about this on your channel?

Ummmmm, so I’ve been pondering about this for a while now because, as a feminist, I do not intend to agree to forcing “gender roles” on people. But I think recently I am concluding as to why “chivalry should co-exist with feminism”. I would be getting into this in as much detail as possible.

1. “Women’s only section” — I would be covering this too, as it is relevant.

I was in my 11th grade of high school. This incident occurred, and I was too young to be experiencing this (any age is wrong, but still !). I was travelling to my village in public transport — a bus, along with my younger sister. There were two empty seats, but not side by side, so we had to sit separately. I was sitting next to this guy in his 30s or something. During the mid journey, he started touching me inappropriately. I won’t be getting into details, but it was the first time this has happened to me, and I was too stunned and frozen in that moment to act on it. But instead of blaming my younger version, who was around 16 years old, let’s focus more on a full-grown man who had the audacity to molest a girl, half of his freaking age!!!! Now this is one of many incidents that occur in the life of any girl or woman on dails basis while travelling by public transport. So is it wrong to have a “women’s only section” when men lurk around women and kids with disgusting and creepy intentions? I remember reading this article where a telegram group was caught, which consisted of discussions by men on how they molest and sexually harass women in public spaces. So, is it not women’s right to have a safe space for themselves? It is a question everyone should be asking themselves. I would also like to highlight this issue — when there are public spaces reserved for women, for example, in public buses, there are seats reserved for women specifically, where men complain, don’t we get tired from working as well? Which is true, they do. But how do we as women filter out the “not all men” and trust a few? How do we know we won’t get physically harassed? Would a little girl speak up if she is wronged? If a woman is pregnant and vulnerable, is it not our responsibility as society to allow her to sit instead of fighting over this? It seems to me that, along with manners, we have lost humanity as well. Let’s be humane and try to create a safe space!

I am not sharing incidents to show how badly I reacted, but to make a point. As I am maturing, I can ensure how to hold one accountable!!!

2. “Why should a man pay?” — Now we are getting down to the business.

When I worked as a part-time sales advisor in a large department store for about a year, part of my job involved organising the shop floor and sorting clothing items. During that time, I started noticing an interesting pattern in products that were marketed separately for men and women.

Take something simple like T-shirts. During the summer, stores stock large quantities of them because they’re lightweight, stylish, and in high demand. But when you compare the men’s and women’s sections more closely — especially the quality of the fabric and the price — you often see a noticeable difference. In many cases, women’s T-shirts are priced higher, even though the material may be thinner or not necessarily better in quality than the men’s versions. This difference isn’t always due to production costs. Instead, it often comes from marketing strategies, faster fashion cycles in women’s clothing, smaller production runs, and design variations. This pricing phenomenon is commonly referred to as the “pink tax”, where products marketed toward women tend to cost more than similar products marketed toward men.

Before you start wondering why I’m bringing this up, I have a point, so let’s be a little more patient. Let’s discuss these points to get a conclusion -

• Now we have — “pink tax” discussed: In many cases, women end up paying more than men for similar products — whether it’s grooming essentials, accessories, or clothing. Despite the higher price, these items aren’t always better in quality and can sometimes be less durable. This pricing pattern, often linked to the “pink tax,” can lead consumers to replace these products more frequently, driving higher overall spending over time. Even though there is a pay gap, gender biases, and workplace harassment. In short, women often end up paying more — with lower wages — just to maintain what we call a “normal life”.
• We also have “public safety” discussed: Here, if women are to travel late at night, we have to pay for private cabs, we have to carry extra items that will possibly protect ourselves, which might include pepper sprays, knives or blades, clicking a picture of the number plate, sharing live location and a charged phone. Being on call is also considered a safety measure, BTW. If this is not done, then we have to face physical and sexual harassment, Men creepily looking at us, in worst cases, rapes and murders. And let’s not forget “sex trafficking”. Again, women are paying more for their safety — financially and mentally. It is called “safety-tax”, BTW. This includes so many things, which I am not even mentioning. You may read the attached articles below.
• When people say now that women are working professionals too, everything should be split and hence be 50–50, how can that be possible? There are multiple factors contradicting this 50–50 rule, which might include:

1. Menstrual cycle: Women go through menstruation every month, which can involve physical pain and hormonal changes. There is a mental and physical imbalance throughout the month, which leads to men laughing on “mood swings”. There is physical pain which differs person to person(in most of the cases, there are no paid leaves from work for this, btw).
2. Pregnancy and Childbirth: Another thing that makes women vulnerable is morning sickness, body pain, extreme fatigue, breastfeeding challenges, postpartum depression and many other major factors. Again, there can exist a whole new article within this. Oh, and mind you — there is no 50–50 in this, I don’t see men carrying the baby for fifty percent of the time!!!!
3. Physical Limitations: If you have any knowledge, you don’t have to be a doctor. You should know that men’s bodies and women’s bodies are built differently!!! There is no way you can achieve ‘equality’ either way. In general, one gender is physically stronger than the other.

• There are demanding jobs for both genders, and yet again, women are judged for all the choices they make — “stay at home mom”, “housewife”, “working mom”, and the list goes on. Women are living under high pressure environment, carrying all this load.
• I do not intend on saying(no one should!) that ”just stay at home, give birth, do childcare — that is safe and secure too”. Women didn’t fight for this!! Feminism ensures women have RIGHTS TO CHOOSE what they want!! Even though women go through all this discrimination, they are strong, which is inspiring (it doesn’t have to be that hard).

In the end, the issue is not about forcing traditional roles or expecting men to be providers. It is about mutual care, respect, and understanding the realities that still shape women’s lives. Small gestures like paying for a meal sometimes, opening a door, or simply being considerate are not signs of weakness or outdated chivalry — they are expressions of empathy. Equality does not mean ignoring the different pressures each gender faces; it means acknowledging them and supporting one another.

I am wondering if this comes out harshly, but realistically, it is the male-dominated society we live in(not being secure, pay gaps, and all the things we discussed above). So again, these biases are caused by the same patriarchal norms, so it is wrong for a man to own up to it and be a little responsible and helpful to their partners or women around them in general? Mind you i am not in any way trying to impose patriarchal ways of saying men should be ‘providers’, and women should be below these ‘providers’, as feminism benefits both men and women. I am not intending to say women are weak and they can’t do without men, of course, they can!! Look at all those single working moms, and all those ladies paving their way. Indeed goddesses!! But how can you expect equality when one gender carries more than the other, and instead of helping each other out, we question it? Women are fully capable of building their own lives, as countless strong and independent women prove every day. But a partnership should make life lighter, not heavier. If we truly believe in equality, then it should come with balance — where both partners share responsibilities, offer comfort, and create a sense of security for each other. After all, the goal of any relationship should not be competition, but care.

Kindness and chivalry are not the same thing! In today’s world, we talk a lot about equality — but a little courtesy and respect shouldn’t be optional. Men and women should openly share what they expect from each other.

XOXO 💋✨

8th March 2026

Today is International Women’s day so Happy Women’s day ya’ll!!

Few articles for you -

Telegram group with 70,000 members:

https://www.yahoo.com/news/telegram-rape-chat-groups-70-142422399.html

Pink Tax:

https://www.economicforces.xyz/p/why-do-womens-clothes-often-cost

Pay gap: https://www.europarl.europa.eu/topics/en/article/20200109STO69925/understanding-the-gender-pay-gap-definition-facts-and-causes

Safety-tax:

https://utkarshad.medium.com/43-safety-tax-the-cost-of-being-a-woman-in-india-30f0d9c0b2e5

The ‘hidden-cost’:

https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/india/pink-tax-safety-tax-health-tax-more-the-hidden-cost-of-being-a-woman-no-one-counts/articleshow/125961016.cms