Change Your Automatic Thoughts

Use a coping mantra to replace negative thoughts.

photo credit: James Wheeler, pexels.com

What you think influences how you feel. Repetitive thoughts like, “I’m a terrible friend,” “I never seem to catch a break,” or “I always fail,” are negative automatic thoughts (ATs). ATs are spontaneous thoughts that pop into your mind when you’re upset or facing a challenge.

ATs are often unkind, judgmental, and critical toward the self, and they often reflect core beliefs about yourself and the world.

Coping thoughts, by comparison, are personalized, strength-based declarations about your resiliency that shift your attention and helps you cope with difficult emotions. Coping thoughts can help you think and feel differently about a triggering or upsetting situation.

You can create specific coping thoughts to use when you’re upset. A coping mantra refers to a phrase you can repeat over and over whenever a difficult emotion or unkind thought surfaces. Mantras are helpful because they focus the mind by providing counter-narratives to automatic thoughts.

It’s important that you believe the coping mantra to be true and realistic — otherwise, it probably won’t be effective. If you are really upset, you might not remember your coping mantra, so it’s helpful to write it down so you can access it easily when you need it the most. You might write it on a small card you keep in your wallet or store it on your phone.

Focused repetition of a coping mantra is called autogenic training, and with practice, it can help you relax, calm down, and ultimately change your thoughts. Researchers found that autogenic training significantly reduced anxiety and depression symptoms among participants.

It’s best to create your own mantra. Here are some suggestions to get you started:

1. This too shall pass. This reminds you that everything is passing, even uncomfortable emotions, unpleasant thoughts, and situations that feel permanent. 2. Just for today. By reminding yourself you only have to give this day your best shot — or maybe even the next 15 minutes — you can more easily remain present and avoid worrying about next week or next year. 3. I will get better. Having faith in your body’s ability to heal itself, and your own resilience in facing challenges, can lift you up when you feel hopeless. 4. I am breathing in and I am breathing out. When you concentrate on your breath, you generate peacefulness and calm. 5. Let it go. Sometimes it’s just best to let things go. 6. I am safe. Reminding yourself you are safe can be calming and comforting. 7. I am… You might say, “I am enough,” “I am patient,” or, “I am at peace.” Very short one-line affirmations repeated slowly are soothing. 8. It’s not about me. This mantra helps when you are upset about a situation that involves other people. And often, it really isn’t about you. 9. All is well. Sometimes you just need a reminder that things are going to be okay. 10. Thank you. Acknowledge the good things in your life by repeating “thank you.” Directing your thoughts toward gratitude is grounding. 11. Calm down. Sometimes telling someone to “calm down” is ineffective, but repeating it to yourself while breathing deeply to counts of four to C-A-L-M [on the in breath] and D-O-W-N [on the out breath] is helpful. 12. I am lovable. I am worthy. These statements are helpful if you experience conflict with a loved one.

Take a moment to think about one helpful statement that can become your coping mantra. Your coping mantra is highly personal and meaningful, a phrase you can call upon at any time.

Think about a recent situation that was unpleasant or upsetting. What negative automatic did you have? Do you think you could have changed your negative ATs if you used your coping mantra?

Coping mantras are a powerful way to interrupt negative thinking. You can say your mantra aloud, or just silently repeat it. Just be sure your coping mantra resonates with you so the intention is customized for what you need at the moment. Once the pattern of negative thinking has been broken, it’s so much easier to substitute occasional negative thoughts with healthier, uplifting thoughts.