ADHD: The Newest Layer of My Mental Health Journey

Photo by Markus Winkler on Unsplash

Over the last few years, I’ve been open about my mental health journey. In late 2011, I was diagnosed with anxiety and “bouts of depression.” That’s the term my doctor (at the time) used, and it actually makes sense for me. I’ve dealt with the blues, but depression mostly comes into play when the anxiety is non-stop. If I’m going through anxiety for days on, with no break or no end in sight, I start to feel depressed and hopeless. A “doom and gloom” feeling. Then, cue the crying spells.

Fortunately, I’m mostly in a good place with that. Anxiety still rears its ugly head at times, but I can manage it enough to get a break and keep the depression at bay.

However, another layer has been added to my mental health journey.

I’m not going to go through every checked-off box, but I’ve had suspicions of having ADHD for several years now. With how distracted I was in elementary school, I feel I’ve had it for even longer. I was well-behaved and got good grades, but I often struggled to finish my classwork. I just couldn’t focus. I did better during my teenage years, but as a freelance-writing adult, I’d have issues focusing on my work. When the focus was there, I could knock out multiple orders in one day. But the problem was the lack of focus.

Other symptoms, some that I didn’t even know were symptoms, include procrastination, talking excessively, interrupting, not sitting still, and intense emotions. That’s not the full list, but I’m sharing some of MY symptoms. I took an assessment test with another psychiatrist a few years ago, but nothing ever came of it. Looking back, I’m not sure I answered everything honestly. I feel I may have been too embarrassed, not about the possibility of ADHD, but about admitting to certain symptoms.

So, when my current psychiatrist agreed to give me the test in April, I told myself that I would answer honestly, NO MATTER WHAT. Whether I have it or not, I needed to know. I can’t figure out what’s causing these issues without an official diagnosis or ruling it out.

It turns out I DO have ADHD. She decided to prescribe Adderall Xr (extended release). Of course, she went over everything, so we could decide together if it was right for me. I also decided that in addition to medication, I’d work with my therapist to come up with focus strategies (as well as come up with some myself). Just like with anxiety, I don’t want to rely on medication alone.

It took a few days to get the medication, but that first day was a doozy. I made a huge mistake of drinking coffee within the first few hours, thinking I’d be okay since it was a little while later. I was chatty, jittery, anxious, couldn’t focus, and my appetite had decreased. I wound up crashing on the couch that evening. I skipped the coffee and was more careful the next day, and it went better.

Over the next few weeks, I’d feel overwhelmed and irritable. It was a mixture of the adjustment period, my regular caffeine intake, and frequently going out. I needed to recharge and evaluate my next steps. I decided to cut back on the caffeine. I still enjoy coffee, but I don’t have it daily anymore. I either switch to decaf or something else entirely. I don’t take my Adderall on Sundays because I don’t need it then (my psychiatrist gave the okay for that), and I try not to go out if I can help it. I’m also trying to get more sleep at night. My goal is to let my body and mind recharge.

Nowadays, I’m doing better for the most part. I still have my days when my anxiety goes up, but I’ve mostly got it under control. I rarely feel overwhelmed or irritable unless it’s environmental or lifestyle (i.e., not sleeping well the night before). Fortunately, the medication rarely affects my appetite. My focus has improved on the medication, which is why I didn’t want to make any drastic changes (especially during that first month, when I was still adjusting). If I ever feel the need to decrease my dosage or switch to something altogether, I’ll definitely talk to my psychiatrist about it.

But for now, I’m doing okay. I just take it one day at a time and make changes when necessary. Whether you’re dealing with anxiety, ADHD, or another layer of mental health, please remember that it’s always okay to ask for help.